Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
