I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
