Are we in a gay sports bar?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
