I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
