So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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