Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
