did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
