That's when you crack a 10am beer
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
