My friends, they love my intelligence
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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