Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
