I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
im on a boat
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