Kiss
Puke
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
