I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
