My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She bit a glass in half.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
