I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
