On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
