i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
