I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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