Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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