the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
