I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Boobs speak an international language.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Boobs are out for the taking
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
