Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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