remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
