So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
