If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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