Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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