I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
