Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Houston, we have a blender
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
