im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have fence marks all over my body
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
