You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I smell like Dick and happiness
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