Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
