U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
