Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
