Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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