D3 body, D1 cock
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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