I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
