i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
