I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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