She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
