I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
