We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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