I can text with my tongue
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
