So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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