Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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