It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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