dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
