Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
