Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
