I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize