I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
