we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
