she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
