I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
