moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize