I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
