His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
