How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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