he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish I only lived at night.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
