So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
