I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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