yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
