....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
