guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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